Naked in the Veg Plot
Posted: December 27, 2017
Categories: Garden Adventures
I happened to hear a little bit of Desert Island Discs on the radio the other day and the castaway was Kelsey Grammer. No, not a school in a Scottish borders town but the actor who played Frasier Crane in Cheers, Frasier and, of course, the voice of Stinky Pete in the film Toy Story 2. As ever, the programme was entertaining. Especially when Kelsey started talking about how he proposed to his wife. Or to be exact, where.
In his unmistakable tones, he divulged the fact he proposed to his then partner in their veg garden whilst naked.
Now, I’m pretty cool about what you do in your own garden. Pampas grass with all its itinerant urban culture is fine for some. One of my own near neighbours (but far enough away) gardens in his Speedos (the chap is 80 years plus and I have been reliably informed that the elastic in the swimming garment has seen better days. But as I mentioned, he is a far neighbour, thank goodness). And if you want gnomes dotted about your beds and borders, well, good for you. But naked? Hmmmmm?
Obviously, I’m not sure where Kelsey’s veg plot is. But if it were in the UK, then he is a brave man to potter about without a singlet and woolly long johns on. Even in high summer. I can also only assume it isn’t overlooked by anyone. Imagine hanging your washing out and being greeted by a star of the silver screen with a hearty ‘Good morning’ and well, a startled dropping of the peg bag.
Maybe I’m a prude. Perhaps everyone except me doesn’t worry about wearing clothes in the veg patch. After all, we could be all Scandinavian about it and throw away our inhibitions with a flourish and get down and dirty weeding, hoeing and planting. Oh, I’m really not sure. Just think about an average day on your veg patch, sans clothes.
I personally need to drag the mower out of the way to get at my tools. There are razor sharp edges to my secateurs and the feral bundle of bamboo canes lurking just inside the shed door is continually trying to escape. All dangers. Then there’s lots kneeling, reaching and well, to put it bluntly a gardener’s bottom is forever in the air. I won’t go on. You know what I’m trying to say. A well-trousered derriere is just about acceptable.
So, decency and safety are obvious reasons to wear clothes in the veg plot, but the intriguing thing is, and Kirsty Young tried to probe this point, in what circumstances would you find you and your partner without clothes?
In the garden. I’m obviously a prude as I cannot envisage announcing that I’m, for example, ‘Just popping out to water my tubers’, discarding me cardy and marching up the garden, bold as brass, nodding to astonished and quite frankly, nauseous neighbours. ‘Just going to finish the pointing of the slabs and who needs socks for that job, eh?’ ‘Hey everyone, it’s apple tree pruning time. Now, where’s my extremely sharp saw and rickety stepladder?’ followed by whipping off me kecks and getting stuck in. Kelsey didn't answer the line of enquiry. We can only imagine and make the story up.
But the wonderful thing about this particular story is that my dear friends at GLG command nerve centre have to find images to support these words. And they (the images) obviously have to be decent and non-offensive. Over to you.
Kecks is a word from northern England and is slang for trousers.
The BBC iplayer link to Desert island Discs is here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/b09hp7cl
And please don’t worry, I will not be supplying images from my own garden this time around!
I might be a prude - but are you? Let us know!!